On being so close to the finish you can taste it, and the obstacles you put in your own way

Hi...its been a while - i know i know.

I haven't had a writers block, more likely the opposite, a deluge of ideas without the faintest idea which ones I should be using and how to tie them all together.

I'm at the tricky bit again, the bit where I have had all the thoughts that can possibly be had about which way my story is going but I haven't written them all down yet, at least not in story form - more likely random words scattered around my office on post it notes and little scribbles in more notepads than is healthy for any adult to have. Occasionally i find notepads with whole chapters I had forgotten I had written, on completely different threads than the way I chose to go on my story. I have self imposed a deadline for myself of Sunday night -0 and so my house is a mess, my whole family has run out of underwear because I haven't been using the washing machine, i have just been piecing things together with very little success - and even less writing. I feel like I have too much to say and not enough space to say it in - which is nonsense because I determine the length of my novel, no one else.

I haven't been well either, I developed bells palsy over the summer and half my face was paralysed - it was scary stuff and I couldn't use a computer for a few weeks because i couldn't blink and so my eye would just stream with water. I was lucky that it only lasted around 5 weeks because i was told that it may take up to a year to clear up. On the plus side I got to wear a fetching eye patch on holiday and was dubiously eye-balled (pun intended) by airport security. Holiday was fabulous and despite finding out how weird it is not to be able to squint when looking at the sun - my face incurred no further damage aside from an eye patch shaped tan line.

I should be writing my story now - like right now - and suddenly it was an emergency to write this blog, because obviously you all couldn't cope another day without hearing my inane ramblings which are really just an elaborate procrastination tool. So, I'm not going to allow myself to blog again until i have finished my first draft - I use the term finish loosely) - I have lots of red highlighted text in my document that I may or may not keep, then the revisions come, which i generally find quite good fun - then the monotonous job of editing - which is particularly hard for me as most of it is guesswork. but judging from the feedback i had from professionals my editing was pretty damn good. The upside is this time I will be working with an editor, i don't know how I am going to feel about that, it will be a strange experience. But I do like collaborating with people - I like peoples perspectives on what I have done/ am doing. Currently my mother is reading my second novel even though the ending isn't finished - at first (like last time) she was full of praise but as it went on she starts getting bored and confused ha ha - I haven't explained that there are things I need to remove and other things I need to explain better - I don't know if she will get to the end.

lastly of course is my self confidence, which gets knocked further and further down with every minute that i spend writing anything other than my novel - so its time to go as I hear my conscience knocking again and I really need to meet me own deadline - until next time!